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Самые лучшие английские анекдоты / The Best English Jokes
Подготовка текста, комментарии, упражнения и словарь С. А. Матвеева
© ООО «Издательство АСТ», 2017
Английские анекдоты и шутки
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, «Does your dog bite?»
The shopkeeper says, «No, my dog does not bite.»
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
«Ouch![1]» he says, «But you say your dog does not bite!»
The shopkeeper replies, «That is not my dog.»
* * *
A gloomy colonel was taking a walk in a park. He saw a lieutenant of his regiment in civilian clothes with a young lady. The lieutenant noticed the colonel from a distance, and hid himself behind a tree.
The next day the colonel asked:
«Why did I see you yesterday evening in the park in civilian clothes?»
«Because the tree was not thick enough, Sir,» answered the lieutenant.
* * *
A man went into a pet shop one day. «I want to buy a parrot that talks,» he said.
«I’m sorry sir, but you have to teach[2] your parrot to speak.»
So he chose a parrot and took it home with him. Two weeks later he returned to the pet shop.
«My parrot still doesn’t speak,» he said.
«Ah, that’s a shame. Buy this mirror. He’ll look at himself, and talk.»
The man bought the mirror and went away. Two weeks later he returned again.
«My parrot is dead,» he said.
«I’m sorry, sir – but tell me, before he died, did he say anything?»
«Yes he did. But only one word.»
«Really? Which word was that?»